Dear Friends
Respecting Your Care-receiver's Independence, Control
and Self-determination
Week of July 1, 2021
Prayer Requests
Here's a "summer rerun" from two years ago.
Dear Friends:
The Fourth of July is a good reminder to take a look at your care-receiver's right to independence, control, and self-determination. They're issues that can cause some fireworks between you and your loved on any day.
This is an excerpt from our topic and flier on those subjects:
It shouldn’t be a surprise that you and your
loved one don’t always agree on what’s best for him or her. No two
people agree on everything all the time.
When conflict arises, what can you do? As you
make your decisions, it’s helpful if you keep in mind these
guidelines:
--Encourage and allow independence.
A part of growing to adulthood is accepting,
and sometimes demanding, independence. An illness or mental
deterioration can mean the chipping away of that personal freedom. A
goal for you as a caregiver is to delay or to minimize that erosion.
Your role is to offer assistance that helps your loved one remain as
independent as possible.
That means you don't take over tasks or make
decisions that person can still handle. For example, don’t dress her
in the morning just because it would take you only five minutes but
it takes her twenty. Don't decide he needs a lifestyle that is as
active as his health will allow when what he really wants is a
quieter schedule because he's lived a long and hectic life and now
he wants to rest.
--Whenever possible, let your care-receiver
be in control.
It's human nature that we want to be in the
driver's seat when it comes to our own lives. Giving up control, or
having it snatched from us, can make us angry and frightened.
For example, what you may see as a mere
detail can be monumental to Dad. Maybe he has always gone to the
8:30 Mass on Sunday morning but now you’re concerned about his
getting there on his own. So you unilaterally decide the two of you
will go to the 5:00 Mass on Saturday evening and you can’t
understand why he’s so upset.
After all, you’re the one making the
sacrifice, aren’t you? You’re the one doing him a favor. But from
your father’s point of view, you’re trying to ruin his Sunday
morning routine. Now he won’t be able to say hello to his fellow
"8:30 regulars," the friends and peers he enjoys visiting with each
week.
Letting him keep some control might mean mutually agreeing that one or two Sundays each month you take him to the 8:30 on Sunday. Let him pick which Sundays. Likely, after a while, he’ll feel equally comfortable with "the strangers" at the Saturday Mass, too
--Remember each of us has a God-given right to self-determination.
You can read more here or here.
You remain in my prayers,
Bill
- - -
Again this week we cordially invite you to join the Friends of St. John the Caregiver! (FSJC's programs include YourAgingParent.com and CatholicCaregivers.com.) You can find out more about becoming a member here.
No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).
You can:
sign up on-line here
or call us toll-free at 1-800-392-JOHN (5646)
or
print and mail an application form.
God bless you!
Bill
Welcome to YourAgingParent.com
This site is designed for family caregivers..
It's for those who are helping a:
- spouse
- aging parent
- child with special needs
- sibling with special needs
- family member or
- friend.
Here you'll find spirituality, information and resources for
Catholic caregivers.
All our material and resources
are free.
Visit our sister sites:
--Friends
of St. John
the Caregiver
"The Basics
of Catholic Caregiving"
"A Caregiver's Prayer"
The
Friends of St. John the Caregiver was chosen to be part of the
USCCB's
2007-2008
Respect Life Program.
