'Dear Friends' July 2009

Week of July 6, 2009    When You're Feeling Clueless Dear Friends:        A caregiver can be surprised to learn that every other caregiver, at times, feels completely clueless. It's true. One new or updated diagnosis, one suddenly-needed adjustment in a living situation, one setback, one fall, one . . . one . . . one . . . . One way or another, a caregiver's role -- and worries -- seldom stay the same for any length of time.        The only thing that doesn't change is that change can come swiftly, out of the blue.        No wonder, at times, you feel clueless! You aren't. But it's how you feel, and understandably so. Perhaps you can find a little comfort knowing healthcare professionals, those who work as care managers, those who have been family caregivers for years and years, and even those who write books about caregiving and begin organizations to help caregivers . . . sometimes feel completely clueless when it comes to helping their own care-receivers. When it comes to assisting their own loved ones. This, too, is true!       Two items from the Topics section may help:  The Need to Talk        It doesn't feel like "us" and "them." It feels like "me" and "everyone else." When you're taking care of a loved one, you may think no one else in the world understands what you're going through.      And to a certain extent, you're right.      No one else in the world has the same combination as the two of you. Relationship. Illness or disability. Ages. Locations. Living situation. Family history. Emotional, psychological and spiritual strengths and weaknesses. There are an infinite number of variables.      No wonder it's easy to assume that no one else can even come close to comprehending what you're going through. No one else can really help you.      Fortunately, that isn't true. . . .                                    (Click here to read more.) Choosing the Best Solution      It's not unusual for a family caregiver to discover that an unexpected problem is all the number of possible solutions.      After looking carefully at your care-receiver's needs and the various ways to meet those needs, it may become clear there is no single right choice. There may be many choices, each with merit.      So which is best for him or her? How can you be sure you and your loved one are making the right decision?      The following are basic principles used when assisting someone who needs care. It can help a family to consider each when trying to reach a decision. . . .                                     (Click here to read more.) - - -      Again this week, thanks so much to all who donated to our Friends of St. John the Caregiver "2009 non-event." (No, it's not too late for you look at the lighter side of the campaign or to make a contribution! You can donate on-line, if you prefer.) - - -         And again this week, too: We invite you to join the Friends of St. John the Caregiver. You can find out more about becoming a member here.        No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).        You can:         sign up on-line here                 or call us toll-free at 1-800-392-JOHN (5646)                or print and mail an application form.        God bless you!                                                           Monica and Bill To contact us To join FSJC To make a donation To view or make prayer requests Materials order form Past "Dear Friends" notes "Among Friends" quarterly newsletter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Week of July 13, 2009    Gathering in His Name Dear Friends:        Before we saw any of the news reports on Burr Oak Cemetery, we learned about what had taken place from our daughter-in-law after she received a call from her mother. The family has -- and now, apparently, in some cases had -- a number of relatives buried there, including our daughter-in-law's maternal grandfather. There aren't words that can sufficiently describe the horrific acts committed at the cemetery or the anguish being felt by so many, many families.        Like others even remotely associated with the tragedy, we promised prayers for all the families and especially for those with whom we share the relationship of extended family.        Compared to the magnitude of what happened, a few prayers can seem so small. And, in some ways, they are. And they can seem so insignificant. But they aren't. That's because where two or three gather in Jesus' name, he is there (see Matthew 18:20). Sometimes those two or three gather in person. More often, they -- along with many others -- gather in spirit, focusing their prayers on a particular concern or situation.         That's what members of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver promise to do. (YourAgingParent.com is an FSJC program.) It's the only membership requirement: to pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Worldwide, they gather in spirit to offer prayers for you and your loved one.        You are not alone. - - -         This week we welcome five new FSJC members. "Hello" to M.L. and Igor R. in New York, Maria S. and Mark L. in Pennsylvania, and Roy J. in Illinois.        We invite you to join the Friends of St. John the Caregiver, too! You can find out more about becoming a member here.        No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).        You can:         sign up on-line here                 or call us toll-free at 1-800-392-JOHN (5646)                or print and mail an application form.        God bless you!                                                           Monica and Bill To contact us To join FSJC To make a donation To view or make prayer requests Materials order form Past "Dear Friends" notes "Among Friends" quarterly newsletter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Week of July 20, 2009    Preventing Slips and Falls Dear Friends:        No doubt you've heard about Pope Benedict XVI's fall last week in the papal vacation home in northern Italy. A New York Times article noted:        The Vatican said that the pope had slipped overnight in his room in the chalet where he was staying in the mountainous Valle d’Aosta region. . . .        In a statement, the Vatican said that Benedict was well enough to eat breakfast and celebrate Mass before being taken by car to the local hospital on Friday morning.        As is the case with many falls among seniors, the accident occurred at home. (Some reports said in the bathroom.) A vacation home, yes, but not while he was out traveling. As with many seniors -- it seems safe to speculate just a little bit here -- the pontiff was in no rush to get to the hospital. (Mass and breakfast first!) Unlike many seniors -- it seems even safer to speculate here -- the pontiff spent very little or absolutely no time in a hospital waiting room until it was "his turn" to see a physician.        It was just a month ago that Secretary of State Hilary Clinton fell and ended up with a broken elbow. Like the pope, she needed surgery, too.        Both events offer a reminder to caregivers about the danger and the seriousness of falls. As we write in a Topic titled "Preventing Slips and Falls":       --More than one third of adults 65 and older fall each year in the United States.        --Among older adults, falls are the leading cause of injury deaths. They’re also the most common cause of nonfatal injuries and hospital admissions for trauma.        --In 2005, 15,800 people 65 and older died from injuries related to unintentional falls; about 1.8 million people 65 and older were treated in emergency departments for nonfatal injuries from falls, and more than 433,000 of these patients were hospitalized.        --Twenty to 30 percent of people who fall suffer moderate to severe injuries such as bruises or head traumas. These injuries can make it hard to get around and limit independent living. They also can increase the risk of early death.        You can read more here. - - -         This week we're pleased to welcome two new members to the Friends of St. John the Caregiver. "Hello" to Nina G. in New Mexico and Jan F. in Illinois. Please keep them and their intentions in your prayers. They have promised to pray for caregivers and care-receivers.        We invite you to join the Friends of St. John the Caregiver, too! You can find out more about becoming a member here.        No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).        You can:         sign up on-line here                 or call us toll-free at 1-800-392-JOHN (5646)                or print and mail an application form.        God bless you!                                                           Monica and Bill To contact us To join FSJC To make a donation To view or make prayer requests Materials order form Past "Dear Friends" notes "Among Friends" quarterly newsletter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Week of July 27, 2009    One Couple's Stories Dear Friends:        Recently we were visiting with a 40-something couple who had lost both sets of parents within a three-year period a short time ago. It was obvious that each still missed Mom and Dad, and each appreciated the time spent caregiving.        Neither said it was easy. Neither used any religious terms to describe the experience. (No mention of “blessings” or “grace-filled moments,” for example.”) Still, as they described what they had gone through, it was clear it had been a spiritual time.        She, an only child, got to know her father better – or, rather, felt as if she had gotten to know him for the first time – after her mom passed away and she assumed the primary caregiving role for her dad. (“I had know idea we were so much alike!”)        He, with five siblings who didn’t always see eye-to-eye, was amazed at how smoothly things went after their parents had died and it was time to sort out the house and (as much as possible) equitably divide its contents. The personality clashes he had expected – dreaded – never happened. (“Not even with my brothers!")        We listened, not mentioning the Friends of St. John the Caregiver or what its members promise to do: pray for family caregivers and those receiving care. But we thought about those men and women, from all walks of life, from all incomes, from around the world, who continue to ask God to help people like this couple.        And, in a silent prayer, we thanked God for what members do.        We thank God for you. - - -        The new material for August has been posted at CatholicCaregivers.com. The topic for this month's flier is "Preventing Slips and Falls." And, as always, there are Prayers of Intercession for the Sunday Masses and Bulletin Briefs. This month we used a quote from the homily Pope John Paul II gave at the beatification of Damien of Molokai:        “I thank the Lord for those who accompany and assist the sick . . . . By their deeds, they call to mind the incomparable dignity of our brothers and sisters who suffer in mind or body; they show that every life, even the most frail and suffering, has importance and value in God’s sight.” - - -         We invite you to join the Friends of St. John the Caregiver, too! You can find out more about becoming a member here.        No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).        You can:         sign up on-line here                 or call us toll-free at 1-800-392-JOHN (5646)                or print and mail an application form.        God bless you!                                                           Monica and Bill To contact us To join FSJC To make a donation To view or make prayer requests Materials order form Past "Dear Friends" notes "Among Friends" quarterly newsletter