The Pope Says 'Thank You,' Dear Caregiver
(And Tells the Church to Help You More!)
Dear Friends:
You
may have missed this news item: In early December, Pope
Benedict XVI thanked caregivers and said he wants the
Catholic Church to do a better job
helping
them and their loved ones.
Your efforts and your vocation (responding
to God's personal call to assist one of his beloved sons
or daughters) have not gone unnoticed in the Vatican.
Halleluiah!
The occasion was the release of his message
for World Day of the Sick 2010. (Begun by Pope John Paul
II in 1992, the annual event is celebrated on Feb. 11,
the feast of Our Lady of Lourdes.) Being an official
Vatican document, Pope Benedict's message was written in
what we might call pontiff-speak: that formal tone and
style that mark papal messages, letters, homilies and
such.
Here are quotes from three paragraphs:
I sincerely hope that this event will be an
opportunity to give a more generous apostolic
impetus to the service of the sick and of those who
look after them.
. . . I warmly thank those who, every day,
"serve the sick and the suffering", so that "the
apostolate of God's mercy may ever more effectively
respond to people's expectations and needs."
. . . And I am anxious to add that at this
moment in history and culture we are feeling even
more acutely the need for an attentive and
far-reaching ecclesial presence beside the sick, as
well as a presence in society that can effectively
pass on the Gospel values that safeguard human life
in all its phases, from its conception to its
natural end.
--"Those who look after them": Some English
translations of the message use the word "carer" for
that phrase, a British (U.K., Canadian, Australian) term
for "caregiver." --"More generous apostolic impetus":
A looser translation could be "the Church -- dioceses,
parishes, organizations, institutions and so on -- get
moving (or getting moving more) to help the caregivers
in their dioceses, parishes, organizations, institutions
and so on." --"This event": The World Day of the
Sick 2010, being held this year in St. Peter's Basilica
in Rome. (Where the main concelebrant for the Mass is
scheduled to be the same person who, God bless him, said
the Church can do, needs to do, a better
job helping you!) And coinciding with that is the 25th
anniversary of the founding of the Pontifical Council
for Health-Care Workers. --"Those who, every day, 'serve the sick
and the suffering'": No one has to tell you what
that means. --"A presence in society that can
effectively pass on the Gospel values that safeguard
human life in all its phases, from its conception to its
natural end.": You are that presence!
What
all this also means is: Next week, Thursday, Feb. 11, is a day for you and for
your care-receiver. People around the world -- including
members of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver -- will
be praying for both of you!
The television is
blaring. You went to all the trouble to get off work a little early
so you could stop by and see your father, and now he won’t even turn
down the TV. He stares at the screen and ignores your attempts at
conversation or answers you with a curt “Uh-huh” or “Huh-uh.”
Finally, to your amazement and confusion, he gives you a disgusted
look, gets up, and storms out of the room.
What’s going on here?
Communication has broken down, and you need to figure out why.
Please join us in welcoming the newest members of the
Friends of St. John the Caregiver: Vivian L. of New
Jersey, Rita and Linus M. of Ohio, and Ralph S. of
Georgia. Please keep them
and their intentions in your prayers. They have promised
to pray for you and yours.
Again
this week we cordially invite you to join the Friends
of St. John the Caregiver, too. (FSJC's programs include
YourAgingParent.com and CatholicCaregivers.com.) You can find out more about
becoming a member here.
No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that
you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include
caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both
(including quite a few former caregivers). You can:
Something Old, Something New:
FSJC's Quarterly Newsletter
and We're Now on Facebook
Dear Friends:
We
have two updates this week. First, the "something old."
We've posted the latest edition of "Among
Friends," our quarterly
newsletter.
And second, the "something new." The Friends of St. John
the Caregiver is now on
Facebook.
Not familiar with Facebook? Check it out!
If you don't
have a Facebook account and you'd like to start one,
it's easy . . . and free! Just go to our page and click
the green "Sign Up" button to learn more.
- - -
This
is in the newsletter, but we wanted to share it here,
too!
- - -
A
reminder: As we said
last week,
Thursday, Feb. 11, is World Day of the Sick.
- - -
Please join us in welcoming the newest members of the
Friends of St. John the Caregiver: Leilani R. in
California and Mary Ann K. in Pennsylvania. Please keep them
and their intentions in your prayers. They have promised
to pray for you and yours.
Again
this week we cordially invite you to join the Friends
of St. John the Caregiver, too. (FSJC's programs include
YourAgingParent.com and CatholicCaregivers.com.) You can find out more about
becoming a member here.
No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that
you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include
caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both
(including quite a few former caregivers). You can:
As
Lent begins this Wednesday -- yes, Lent, so soon -- you
might not be able to get to church to receive the ashes on
your
forehead. As a caregiver, you may have other
obligations that have to come first. Your care-receiver has to come first.
God knows. God
understands. It was God who asked you to help his
beloved son or daughter.
Still, it is the penitential season and
it's good to do penance. We have a suggestion for
you. It involves sacrifice and, well, it's a doozy.
One time during each of the six weeks of
Lent, do something for yourself. We can already hear the
"Yes, but . . . " that popped into your head.
("I already have too
much to do and Lent is a time for giving up things like
coffee or cigarettes or candy or TV . . . . ") And to that, we
say, yes, but . . . perhaps the hardest thing you can do
this Lent, the greatest sacrifice, is also the very one
you should do: take time for yourself.
--Go for a ten-minute walk. (Or more!)
--Sit down, put your feet up, and have a
cup of tea. (Ooh, and a scone!)
--Sleep in an extra half hour even though
that to-do list is endless. (And then take a big, fat
nap after lunch, too.)
--Finish reading that novel you began . . .
. (When did you begin that anyway? You may have to start
over to remember the characters and plot.)
--Take yourself out to lunch and have pie for
dessert. (First.)
--Call a friend you haven't been in touch
with for a long time and yap, yap, yap. (That pie idea
sounded really good. Go out with your friend and eat
pie.) --What we highly recommend you do is . .
. what you would really like to do for yourself.
(And quite possibly by yourself.)
Do that one time this week. And next. And
next. Once a week during the six weeks of Lent. Maybe
it's the same thing every time. Maybe it's a variety of
. . . . No, not "treats." (No treats during
Lent!) A variety of sacrifices because taking time for
yourself, a caregiver, is making a sacrifice.
We know there will be that nagging feeling,
that more-than-a-twinge of guilt: "I'm being so
selfish! I shouldn't be doing this! I should
just work harder as a caregiver, and other people work
harder than I do and they have it rougher than I do and
so I should just quit complaining and I should . . . . "
We told you it was a sacrifice. But, as
with any instance of practicing a virtue, it gets easier
over time. And taking a few moments, or an hour, to stop
and catch your breath is a virtue. You, dear temple of
the Holy Spirit, need that!
- - -
Still not convinced? Let's look at the Gospel for Ash
Wednesday (Mark 6:1-16, 16-18):
Jesus said to his disciples:
“Take care not to perform righteous deeds
in order that people may see them;
otherwise, you will have no recompense from your
heavenly Father.
When you give alms,
do not blow a trumpet before you,
as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the
streets
to win the praise of others.
Amen, I say to you,
they have received their reward.
But when you give alms,
do not let your left hand know what your right is
doing,
so that your almsgiving may be secret.
And your Father who sees in secret will repay you.
“When you pray,
do not be like the hypocrites,
who love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on
street corners
so that others may see them.
Amen, I say to you,
they have received their reward.
But when you pray, go to your inner room,
close the door, and pray to your Father in secret.
And your Father who sees in secret will repay you.
“When you fast,
do not look gloomy like the hypocrites.
They neglect their appearance,
so that they may appear to others to be fasting.
Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward.
But when you fast,
anoint your head and wash your face,
so that you may not appear to be fasting,
except to your Father who is hidden.
And your Father who sees what is hidden will repay
you.”
You didn't "blow a trumpet" (toot your
own horn) about what you've been doing as a caregiver.
You haven't let "the left hand" (family,
friends, or your care-receiver) know all that "the right
hand" has been doing. (All that you've been doing!)
You've prayed, privately, in your "inner
room": in your heart. (Watching beside your
loved one's bed; sitting in the doctor's waiting room;
standing in line at the
the pharmacy; driving around in the car on your many, many
caregiving-related trips and errands; and on and on.)
And you've been cheerful as well as
efficient (even when you felt neither). You didn't "look
gloomy" to gain sympathy and in that way tell others
that you're doing a lot as a caregiver. A lot.
"And your Father who sees what is hidden
will repay you."
Gospel truth.
"And your Father who sees what is hidden
will repay you."
Jesus never lied.
Your loving Father knows. Your loving
Father understands. Your loving Father is the one who
asked you to help his beloved son or daughter. And he's
with you always, including right here, right now.
This Lent he wants you to have many
blessings, many graces, and -- we're bold enough to say
-- a slice of pie. Or two.
- - -
Like to read the Gospel for Mass every day this Lent?
You can find the Mass readings on-line at the United
States Conference of Catholic Bishops. For that, go
here. And to sign
up for a daily podcast of the readings, to
here.
- - -
Here's a video report on the World Day of the Sick
(Thursday, Feb. 11) as it was celebrated at St. Peter's
Basilica in Rome. As the reporter notes, Pope Benedict
XVI had kind words for caregivers (that's about 45
seconds into the video).
In case you missed it in the Friends of St. John the
Caregiver
winter newsletter or didn't see it in your diocesan
paper in our
Catholic News Service monthly column, click
here for "10 New
Year's Resolutions for Family Caregivers."
- - -
Again
this week we cordially invite you to join the Friends
of St. John the Caregiver. (FSJC's programs include
YourAgingParent.com and CatholicCaregivers.com.) You can find out more about
becoming a member here.
No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that
you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include
caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both
(including quite a few former caregivers). You can:
We
were surprised, pleased, and just a but frustrated when
we found out that those "find the hidden objects"
puzzles we played as
kids
are now computer games, too. (Frustrated because they're
still hard to do!) What once was pretty much limited to
a feature in "Highlights for Children" magazine now can
be downloaded to your computer and cause all kinds of
challenges for eyes that aren't as young or sharp as
they used to be.
(Try one of these
on-line puzzles, for example. Or do a Web search for
"hidden object games" for a lot more choices.
Every once in a while, one of these is available as the
Game
Giveaway of the Day, which is offered for free each
Saturday.)
Like these puzzles, caregiving can seem
like an overwhelming jumble of obligations, fears,
appointments, and so much more. And, quite often, it is!
But it's more than that, too. Again, like these puzzles,
there can be almost-hidden objects or, rather,
almost-hidden blessings that are easy to overlook.
Blessings that can be, let's be honest here, very hard
to spot!
Still, when families talk to us about
caregiving and care-receiving, most often those
"objects" -- those moments, those blessing, those graces
-- are mentioned right along with the obligations, fears
and all the rest.
--An aging parent makes peace with a sibling with
whom he's been feuding for a long, long time.
--A favorite old comedy movie, viewed now
on a DVD, has a couple laughing so hard they're crying.
--A child with a chronic illness has enough
strength to play outside with the dog, at least for a
little while.
--After years of alcohol abuse, an adult
child -- wanting to be able to do more to help her
father -- stops drinking.
Other "objects" are even harder to spot: A
new empathy for people who have heart disease, cancer,
multiple sclerosis . . . . A new respect for families
with a member who is mentally retarded, who battles
depression, who is trying to so very hard to stay off
drugs . . . . A new realization that others are
suffering, that others are angry at God sometime, that
others face an uncertain and frightening future or,
worse, a future that is pretty-much certain and the
outcome is not going to be good.
It can help you, as a caregiver, to stop
every once in a while, take a breath, and ask the Holy
Spirit to help you see what you haven't been seeing.
What you'll see is that you haven't been
alone. What you'll see are unmistakable signs of the
presence of God in your life and in your caregiving
journey. What you'll see is how that grace -- packed
down and overflowing -- has spilled into other areas of
your life and into the lives of your loved ones.
- - -
And for a lighter look at Lent (that still offers a solid
Catholic perspective), here's a video by
Nick Alexander:
- - -
Would you like to read the Gospel for Mass every day this Lent?
You can find the Mass readings on-line at the United
States Conference of Catholic Bishops. For that, go
here. And to sign
up for a daily podcast of the readings, to
here.
- - -
This first full week of Lent we're so pleased to welcome
three new members to the
Friends of St. John the Caregiver. "Hello" to Donna
L. in Pennsylvania, Richard D. in Nebraska, and Nancy F.
in South Carolina. Please keep them and their intentions
in your prayers. They have promised to pray for you and
yours.
Again
this week we cordially invite you to join the Friends
of St. John the Caregiver. (FSJC's programs include
YourAgingParent.com and
CatholicCaregivers.com.) You can find out more about
becoming a member here.
No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that
you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include
caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both
(including quite a few former caregivers). You can:
helping
them and their loved ones.
newsletter.
And second, the "something new." The Friends of St. John
the Caregiver is now on
forehead. As a caregiver, you may have other
obligations that have to come first. Your care-receiver has to come first.
kids
are now computer games, too. (Frustrated because they're
still hard to do!) What once was pretty much limited to
a feature in "Highlights for Children" magazine now can
be downloaded to your computer and cause all kinds of
challenges for eyes that aren't as young or sharp as
they used to be.