There may be times when your loved one simply says no. When
he or she wants nothing to do with what you're proposing. You
may have come up with what you think is a great solution to
whatever problem or need your care-receiver is facing, but he or
she doesn't see it that way. And so he digs in his heels or she
gets that look in her eyes, and you know it's going to take a
lot of work on your part to get your loved one to budge on this
one.
What can you do to avoid that kind of confrontation?
--Prepare for a crisis. It helps to talk about concerns early
and often. It's much easier to hold what-if discussions before a
crisis arises. "What if you need some help around the house?"
"What if you can't safely drive anymore?" What could your loved
one do, what could you do, what could someone else do to help
out? What are other people you both know doing in those
situations, or not doing? The more comfortable your
care-receiver is discussing what-ifs, the easier it will be for
him or her to tell you when he needs the help.
--Give some options. If there's already a need, don't present
your choice as "the solution." Try to give a number of
possibilities. Let your care-receiver decide. If he or she isn't
mentally competent, get professional help to assist you in
planning and making necessary decisions.
--Go with the minimum service first. Maybe, for example, Mom
doesn't want someone in her home several days a week, but she'll
agree to a person coming in for two hours once a week to help
with the cleaning or laundry. As she and the in-home worker get
to know each other, the idea of increasing those hours and the
workload may not be nearly as threatening to her.
--Preserve independence. Your goal is not to take over your
loved one's life but to assist him or her in getting what's
needed. That can be done without trampling on his or her right
to choose. It can be done while continuing to show great
love—and respect—for your care-receiver.