Death has been surrounded by folklore and traditions
throughout human history. Every culture has rituals for and
beliefs about preparing for death, death itself, and life after
death. What's it really like to die? We don't know. How do you
prepare for that moment? How do you help your loved one prepare?
Here are some suggestions:
--Examine your own beliefs and let your care-receiver talk
about his or hers if your loved one wants to. Maybe the two of
you believe different things about heaven and God. If your loved
one is afraid, offer comfort. If you're the one who's uncertain,
trust your care-receiver. This isn't the time to have a
theological argument. Help him or her be at peace with what's
happening.
--Read about death and the dying process. Learn about what
typically happens, step by step, as a person dies. The more you
know, the better prepared you will be.
--Make preparations if you don't live where you parent does.
If Dad is seriously ill, or his health is steadily declining,
think about what needs to be done in order for you to get to him
on short notice. Who can cover for you at work? What
arrangements need to be made for your spouse and kids?
--Ask Mom where she would like to die. At home? At the
hospital? With family at her bedside? With friends nearby? Maybe
she doesn't like hospital room mob scenes and wants the
opportunity to see each of her children privately when she's
near death. You may need to ask her more than once where she
wants to die, because as time goes by and she gets closer to
death, her answer may change.
--Figure out your role. Try to get a mental picture, based on
your loved one's preferences, of what his or her death will be
like and what your role will be. If it is at home, are you
leading prayers? If it is at the hospital, are you at the
bedside? In the chapel?
--Take care of necessary funeral details ahead of time. As
the time of death approaches, you will want to focus on the
immediate needs of your family.
--Don't wait until the last minute to say good-bye to each
other. Say the words, or the equivalent. It can be tremendously
difficult for family members and a dying loved one to get those
words out. But after your care-receiver has died, it will mean a
great deal to you and other family members if you were able to
do this.
--Help your loved one prepare spiritually. Pray together.
Would he or she like to receive the sacraments of the Eucharist,
reconciliation, and the anointing of the sick, if possible?
--Don't open old wounds. A care-receiver's final days aren't
a good time to rehash old family arguments. If you need to
resolve something between yourself and a parent, spouse, or
sibling, do it before this time comes, when emotions won't be
running as high. Perhaps you need to resolve a family issue by
yourself, on your own or with the help of a counselor or
therapist.
--Let people be themselves. Remember that when a loved one is
dying, family members will show their grief in different ways.
Each may need to cope with it in a different way. One may want
to be quiet and alone, spending time in the hospital chapel.
Another may keep busy handling details that need attending. One
may chatter nonstop. Another may always be demanding the latest
update on the loved one's condition from the medical staff. Let
each person do what works best for him or her, and you do what
works best for you.
--Talk about how precious life is. Just because someone is
bedridden doesn't mean that person's life has no value. Maybe
this is a special time for your loved one to pray. Maybe it is a
time to reminisce with family and friends and say good-bye.
Maybe it is all of those and, above all, a time to prepare for
the life that comes after this life.
Your loved one's death is an extremely difficult time for
you, but it can also be a very rich time. Up until now you've
been given the chance to show your dear one how much you love
him or her. Now you're being given the gift of being with that
person as he or she dies. You're being given the opportunity to
exchange good-byes. You're being given the blessing of being
there as your responsibility for his or her care ends and our
heavenly Father calls him or her home. You'll be there with your
loved one as our heavenly parent reaches out to gently lead him
or her to eternal peace, to eternal joy, to eternal life.