'Dear Friends' September 2011

Week of September 13, 2011 Prayer Requests    When Caregiving Doesn't Feel 'Rewarding' Dear Friends:        A caregiver sent us a note recently to let us know she’s still deeply involved with her mother's caregiving. “It's the most exhausting thing I've ever done,” she said. “I know that it's considered good form to immediately add ‘but the most rewarding as well,’ but that really isn't the case.” We’re sure she’s not alone in that assessment but she doesn’t know that. To her, it seems that all other caregivers are . . . better caregivers because they speak about how much it means to them to care for a loved one and how happy they are to do it.        Sometimes “happy” is far from the right word. You aren’t happy you have to spend so much time helping loved one. You aren’t happy he or she needs your care. You aren’t happy that you’re so tired and worried and guilt-ridden and . . . You get the idea. Yes, even with all those emotions, you want to help your loved one and are glad you are able to help him or her but . . .        In the thick of caregiving, especially if that care has been extended over a long period of time, it doesn’t always feel “rewarding.” It feels like hard work because it is.       We told the caregiver who sent us that note that we suspect "the most rewarding part" varies greatly and more often is realized after the care-receiver no longer needs help. In the middle of making a sacrifice, and caregiving can involve making one after another after another, there may seldom be some warm fuzzy feeling. And, sad to say, in some cases there's not even an occasional “thank you” from the care-receiver.        Caregiving can be a personal Way of the Cross (and sometimes a way with the cross!) and it’s only later that “Easter” dawns.        (You can find "The Stations of the Cross for Caregivers" here.)        Be assured that "Easter" will come. And be assured of our prayers -- and the prayers of hundreds of members of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver around the world -- for you and your care-receiver. - - -        We've updated CatholicCaregivers.com with a September flier ("The Sacrament of Reconciliation"), Bulletin Briefs and Prayers of Intercession. - - -       This week we're so pleased to welcome Patrick B. and Pamela R. of Texas, Bonnie L. of New York, and Paul R.B. of the Philippines as the newest members of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver. Please keep them and their intentions in your prayers. They have promised to pray for you and yours.        We cordially invite you to join the Friends of St. John the Caregiver! (FSJC's programs include YourAgingParent.com and CatholicCaregivers.com.) You can find out more about becoming a member here.        No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).        You can:         sign up on-line here                 or call us toll-free at 1-800-392-JOHN (5646)                or print and mail an application form.        God bless you!                                                           Monica and Bill To contact us To join FSJC To make a donation To view or make prayer requests Materials order form Past "Dear Friends" letters "Among Friends" quarterly newsletter

 

Week of September 19, 2011 Prayer Requests    Resisting the Temptation to Take Over Dear Friends:        It's a seeming contradiction that in the midst of all the hard work that can be a part of caregiving, it can be easy to take over too many responsibilities. To make too many decisions on your own, without consulting your care-receiver. But it's easy to assume "I know what's best" when the approach should be "What would you like?"        In the our Guidelines for Caregiving, resisting that temptation is number one! Self-determination: It’s still your loved one’s life, not yours. You’re there to assist, not take over. As long as your parent, spouse, family member or friend is competent, he or she should be included in decisions and those choices should be respected.        And as we point out in Independence, Control and Self-determination:      We were created to make choices. We were given free will.      This means that day-to-day living, your parent has the right to determine what his or her life will look like. To do this or to do that.      That's fine in theory, but complicating the issue in the real world of the aging parent and adult-child caregiver is the fact that, sadly, at some point your parent's ability to make safe decisions may begin to fail. Mom or Dad may begin to choose what is dangerous or unhealthy or may lapse into self-neglect.      That's not a valid excuse for you to decide on your own that Mom is "incompetent" and to take over all decision making for her. It’s better for you, and her, to ask for a professional geriatric assessment, to help objectively evaluate the situation. Your diocese’s Catholic Charities or Catholic Community Services office may offer services to help you assess your parents needs and make plans for the future. It's possible to design a plan including any necessary precautions without losing sight of the importance of her independence, her need to be in control as much as possible and her right to determine how she wants to live the remainder of her life. - - -       This week we're so pleased to welcome Jan A. of Washington state, Bonnie L. of New York, and Elaine E. of Tennessee as the newest members of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver. Please keep them and their intentions in your prayers. They have promised to pray for you and yours.        We cordially invite you to join the Friends of St. John the Caregiver! (FSJC's programs include YourAgingParent.com and CatholicCaregivers.com.) You can find out more about becoming a member here.        No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).        You can:         sign up on-line here                 or call us toll-free at 1-800-392-JOHN (5646)                or print and mail an application form.        God bless you!                                                           Monica and Bill To contact us To join FSJC To make a donation To view or make prayer requests Materials order form Past "Dear Friends" letters "Among Friends" quarterly newsletter

 

Week of September 26, 2011 Prayer Requests    New Book on Patron Saints Includes John the Caregiver Dear Friends:        This week we were so pleased to receive a copy of a new book on patron saints and see that St. John has been included as the patron of caregivers. And a little bit about the Friends of St. John the Caregiver is included, too! Thomas J. Craughwell is the author of "Patron Saints" and Our Sunday Visitor is the publisher. You can read more about the book here.   - - -        In other news, Monica will be at the upcoming Catholic Medical Association's 80th annual educational conference in Phoenix from October 6-8. The Friends of St. John the Caregiver will have an exhibition booth. There's more about the association and the conference here. - - -      Again this week we cordially invite you to join the Friends of St. John the Caregiver! (FSJC's programs include YourAgingParent.com and CatholicCaregivers.com.) You can find out more about becoming a member here.        No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).        You can:         sign up on-line here                 or call us toll-free at 1-800-392-JOHN (5646)                or print and mail an application form.        God bless you!                                                           Monica and Bill To contact us To join FSJC To make a donation To view or make prayer requests Materials order form Past "Dear Friends" letters "Among Friends" quarterly newsletter