'Dear Friends' April 2009

Week of April 6, 2009    A Caregiver's Good Friday . . . and Easter Sunday Dear Friends:         We begin this letter wishing you a blessed Holy Week 2009 and a happy and holy Easter. You and your loved ones remain in our prayers. We know that you may not be able to attend Holy Week services this year because of your caregiving obligations. What you're doing is a prayer -- a beautiful hymn -- and God is with you.        This Friday -- Good Friday -- is the day the Church remembers in a particular way the events surrounding Jesus' passion and death, including his asking St. John to become Mary's caregiver. It seems safe to assume that, among all John's emotions, was a concern that he didn't know what becoming the Blessed Mother's caregiver would entail.        The same with all caregivers. The same with you. When you accepted God's invitation to take care of your loved one, there probably was a mix of emotions. And, among them, was a concern that you didn't know what this new "vocation" would include.        Like John and Mary, you and your care-receiver began to move forward one day, one challenge, at a time. That's the way caregiving has always been. And always will be.        This week we also want to say a special word to caregivers --or, rather, former caregivers -- who are mourning the death of their care-receivers. As Catholics, as a people who believe in the resurrection of the body, our faith tells us we'll see our loved ones again. Someday -- to use a phrase attributed to St. Thomas More -- you and your loved one "will merrily meet in heaven." And what a glorious reunion that will be!      - - -        This week we want to welcome Becca K. of Indiana as the newest member of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver. Please keep her and her intentions in your prayers. She's promised to pray for caregivers and those receiving care.        If you've been considering becoming a member, we encourage you to join this week. It's very easy. (No meetings, no dues!) All we ask is that you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).        You can:         sign up on-line here                 or call us toll-free at 1-800-392-JOHN (5646)                or print and mail an application form.        God bless you!                                                           Monica and Bill To contact us To join FSJC To make a donation To view or make prayer requests Materials order form Past "Dear Friends" notes "Among Friends" quarterly newsletter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Week of April 13, 2009    Small Gestures Dear Friends:         "We already have it set up," the woman (we'll call her Judy) told us in the back of the church just a few minutes before the memorial Mass began. "We're going to get together next week for lunch."        The speaker was someone who had visited her own mother in a nursing home -- day after day -- for years. It had been a while since Judy's mom had died but, clearly, she knew what a big impact small gestures can have on a caregiver who has recently lost a loved one. On a caregiver who's deeply grieving.        That described the second woman (we'll call her Sarah), the one invited to go to lunch, the one whose mother had died the week before. The Mass on this day was being said for Sarah's parent.        In the middle of caregiving, and in the time soon after one's caregiving duties have ended, small gestures make a big difference. One tiny act of kindness --at first glance so slight -- has the power to lift a heart, a mind, a soul, weighed down with worries and sorrows.        If you work with caregivers, if there are caregivers in your family or among your friends, it's good to remember to make those gestures.        If you're a caregiver yourself, it's good to keep in mind accepting those invitations -- enjoying those "lighter" moments" -- isn't a betrayal of your care-receiver. Your loved one wants you to be happy. - - -        If you aren't familiar with our Prayer Requests page, we encourage you to check it out. If you are, we hope you'll visit it often and keep the intentions there in your prayers.        And, of course, we invite you to submit your own prayer requests. - - -        Not yet a member of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver? (This Web site, YourAgingParent.com, is a program of FSJC.) Easter Week is a great time to join!        It's very easy. (No meetings, no dues!) All we ask is that you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).        You can:         sign up on-line here                 or call us toll-free at 1-800-392-JOHN (5646)                or print and mail an application form.        God bless you!                                                           Monica and Bill To contact us To join FSJC To make a donation To view or make prayer requests Materials order form Past "Dear Friends" notes "Among Friends" quarterly newsletter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Week of April 20, 2009    More Than You Can Handle Dear Friends:         Perhaps one of the most annoying little gems people of goodwill offer a caregiver is "God never gives you more than you can handle." From your point of view it can seem:        A. Oh, yes, he does!        Or . . .        B. If that's so, then God's opinion of me and my abilities is much too high.        Take heart! There's a third way of looking at this. It could be that what God wants you to handle is giving up some of the many things you're trying to handling.        In other words, one of the things you have to handle is admitting that you can't do it all. That, as a caregiver, you have limits. And that can be a very, very hard thing to admit, even to yourself.        Rather than a sign of weakness or defeat, getting help may be your responding to the gentle nudgings of the Holy Spirit who -- speaking to you in your fatigue and anxiety -- is saying, "There are other people who can help you and your loved one. Don't stand in the way of their being allowed to do just that."        The same Holy Spirit has called, or is calling, others to assist you. They truly want to do that. And God wants them to do that, too.        This holds true from a care-receivers point of view, too. If you've been on the receiving end of care, if you're there now, you now how very difficult that can be. How your pain, your limitations, your worries about the future seem overwhelming. How they seem, well, more than you can handle.        They are. They're more than anyone could handle . . . alone. Again, what God is asking you to handle isn't the pain, the limitations, the worries all by yourself. He's asking you to handle having to admit you need help and to accept the help that's offered.        And, my, how tough that can be!        As a caregiver or a care-receiver, please know that members of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver are praying for you today. And every day.        It's one way we can help you. And we really want to! - - -        If you aren't familiar with our Prayer Requests page, we encourage you to check it out. If you are, we hope you'll visit it often and keep the intentions there in your prayers.        And, of course, we invite you to submit your own prayer requests. - - -        This week we want to welcome Deborah C. from Vermont as the newest member of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver. Please keep her and her intentions in your prayers. She's promised to pray for caregivers and those receiving care.        Not yet a member of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver? (This Web site, YourAgingParent.com, is a program of FSJC.) It's very easy. (No meetings, no dues!) All we ask is that you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).        You can:         sign up on-line here                 or call us toll-free at 1-800-392-JOHN (5646)                or print and mail an application form.        God bless you!                                                           Monica and Bill To contact us To join FSJC To make a donation To view or make prayer requests Materials order form Past "Dear Friends" notes "Among Friends" quarterly newsletter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Week of April 27, 2009    What the Anointing of the Sick Is . . . and Isn't Dear Friends:         If you or your loved one has ever received the sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick, you know what a source of grace and peace it can be. What a source of spiritual healing and, sometimes, a source of physical or emotional healing, too.        We've featured this sacrament in May's edition of Catholic Caregivers, the monthly flier that's available to parishes, groups and individuals at CatholicCaregivers.com. (At no charge, of course. Like all the material, programs and services that are a part of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver -- including YourAgingParent.com -- it's free, free, free!)        Here's an excerpt from the flier:        This sacrament is one of healing. The Church community intercedes on behalf of the person who’s seriously ill or frail due to old age with prayers that offer comfort and peace, strength to handle the pain and suffering, and courage to face the end of one’s life. The recipient is anointed with oil and his or her sins are forgiven. This is the final preparation for one’s death.        In years gone by, one of the last things a family would do for a dying loved one was notify the local priest. He would hurry to the house or hospital and administer the “last rites.”        In general, the sacrament, then known as extreme unction (final anointing), was reserved for someone on his or her death bed. Since the Second Vatican Council (1962-1965), that’s no longer the case.        Now known as the Anointing of the Sick or Sacrament of the Sick, it’s commonly administered to anyone who has reached “the age of reason” (around seven years old) who’s seriously ill. And it’s also available for anyone who’s elderly. In either case, the recipient does not have to be near death.        It’s important to explain this to your care-receiver. “Calling the priest” does not mean he or she is dying. It does not mean your dad is in worse shape than he realizes or that you’re keeping some information about your mom’s medical condition from her.     A few more points:        --It could be that sometime during the year your care-receiver’s parish has a communal celebration at the church, perhaps at a Sunday Mass.        --A person can receive this sacrament more than once. If you aren’t sure if it would be appropriate for your loved one to be anointed, ask your local priest.        --If the sick person recovers his health, he can in the case of another grave illness receive it again.        --If during the same illness his condition becomes more serious, the sacrament can be repeated.         --It’s fitting to receive the anointing just prior to a serious operation and the same holds true for the elderly whose frailty becomes more pronounced.      --Someone who is unconscious can be anointed if it’s believed he would have desired the sacrament.        You can read more on the YourAgingParent.com at Anointing of the Sick and More on the Anointing of the Sick. - - -        As we mentioned above, the latest edition of Catholic Caregivers has been posted at CatholicCaregivers.com. So have the May Bulletin Briefs and Prayers of Intercession. - - -        Please keep in your prayers all those who will be attending a day of reflection titled  "The Blessings and Challenges of Family Caregiving" this Thursday at The Spiritual Renewal Center in Albuquerque, NM. Pray for the organizers and presenters, too!        Friends of St. John the Caregiver member Dolores Martinez has been instrumental in making this -- and other programs for caregivers -- happen. Thank you, Dolores! - - -        Not yet a member of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver? (This Web site, YourAgingParent.com, is a program of FSJC.) It's very easy. (No meetings, no dues!) All we ask is that you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).        You can:         sign up on-line here                 or call us toll-free at 1-800-392-JOHN (5646)                or print and mail an application form.        God bless you!                                                           Monica and Bill To contact us To join FSJC To make a donation To view or make prayer requests Materials order form Past "Dear Friends" notes "Among Friends" quarterly newsletter