'Dear Friends' September 2008

Week of September 1, 2008    The 'Non-politics' of Caregiving Dear Friends:        We were pleased to hear a few references to family caregivers in some of the speeches at last week's Democratic National  Convention. We hope we'll hear more of the same at this week's Republican gathering.        It's encouraging to note that caregivers aren't quite as invisible as they were only a short time ago. (Imagine that some 44 million people in the United States -- and the tremendous work they do -- can be "invisible"! Imagine what the number is worldwide!)       As you know so well, assisting an aging parent, a spouse, a child or sibling with special needs, or another family member or friend goes beyond politics and party lines. Caregiving touches the lives -- the minds, the hearts and the souls -- of families of every political stripe.       Take, for example, the Democratic vice-presidential candidate Joe Biden paying tribute to his 90-year-old mother in his acceptance speech. And his Republican counterpart, Sarah Palin, making her national political debut with her youngest child -- who has Down syndrome -- behind her in the arms of her daughter.        Here's an excerpt from an article on AARP's site titled "Candidates as Caregivers":        Unlike the average American, however, most of the candidates have not had to make decisions about caring for family members based primarily on finances—a fact not lost on Sen. Joe Biden, D-Del., whose widowed mother, Jean, lives with him.        "She's 90 years old. I can afford it. And my wife is there and my family is there," Biden, 65, said during the AARP Divided We Fail Forum in Iowa. "But what about those folks who can't [afford private care], and their son or daughter has to leave a job?"        And this is from a report on LifeNews.com that was published on April 22:        On Tuesday, Palin confirmed her baby, named Trig Paxson, has Down syndrome.        "Trig is beautiful and already adored by us," Palin said in a statement LifeNews.com obtained.        "We knew through early testing he would face special challenges, and we feel privileged that God would entrust us with this gift and allow us unspeakable joy as he entered our lives," she said.        "We have faith that every baby is created for good purpose and has potential to make this world a better place. We are truly blessed," the 44 year-old governor added. - - -        Attention, parishes, schools and other organizations! The September editions of Catholic Caregivers (this month's topic: "Celebrating Birthdays and Anniversaries"), Bulletin Briefs and Prayers of Intercession have been posted at CatholicCaregivers.com. All the material is free and can be used by any group or individual. Print as many copies as you would like -- all for the same great price: Zero. - - -     Please join us in welcoming the newest members of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver. "Hello" to Letty B. in Florida and Linda M. in New York. Please keep them and their intentions in your prayers. They've promised to pray for caregivers and those receiving care.    And, of course, we invite you to join, too! You can find out more about becoming a member here.     No meetings, no dues. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).     God bless you!                                                           Monica and Bill To contact us To join FSJC To make a donation To view or make prayer requests Materials order form Past "Dear Friends" notes "Among Friends" quarterly newsletter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Week of September 8, 2008    'Two Care-receivers to be Beatified' Dear Friends:        The headlines didn't say "Two Care-receivers to be Beatified." Or "Family Cared for Two Who Are to Be Beatified." But that's part of the story of Louis and Marie Zelie Guerin Martin, the parents of St. Therese of Lisieux.        A recent article written for Catholic New Service by Cindy Wooden (a friend and former co-worker of ours) reported:          The couple will be beatified Oct. 19, World Mission Sunday, during a Mass in the Basilica of St. Therese in Lisieux, France, the Vatican announced Aug. 19.        St. Therese and St. Francis Xavier are the patron saints of the missions. . .       With beatification, the diocese where the candidate lived or the religious order to which the person belonged is authorized to hold public commemorations on the person's feast day. With the declaration of sainthood, public liturgical celebrations are allowed around the world.        The Martins were declared venerable, one of the first steps in the sainthood process, in 1994. But despite the active encouragement of Pope John Paul II to move the cause forward, the miracle needed for their beatification was not approved by the Vatican until early July.        Louis lived 1823-1894 and his wife lived 1831-1877. They had nine children, five of whom joined religious orders.        Four of those nine children died in infancy or childhood. Five daughters lived and the older ones played a central role in taking care of the younger after Zelie died from breast cancer in her mid-40s. (The youngest, Therese, was only 4 at the time.)        One daughter, Celine, lived with and cared for their aging father after he began to be seriously affected by dementia and a series of strokes. She was his caregiver for seven years. It was only after his death that she, like her four siblings, entered the convent.        After their father's death, it was the older sisters who again helped oversee the care of Therese. They were members of the same Carmelite community where Therese, at the age of 24, died of tuberculosis. (It was during her years in the convent, including the final, painful months of her life that she -- at the requests of her sisters and another nun -- penned the manuscripts that became the classic work "Story of a Soul.")        We have no doubt that the Martin family truly knew the challenges and blessings of giving and receiving care. We have no doubt that, now in heaven, they're praying for you and your loved one. - - -        See you in Salt Lake City? We invite you to join us at "Brown Bag University" on Friday, Sept. 26, at the upcoming General Assembly of the National Council of Catholic Women. Our topic will be Catholic caregiving. - - -        Again this week we invite you to join the Friends of St. John the Caregiver. You can find out more about becoming a member here.        No meetings, no dues. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).     God bless you!                                                           Monica and Bill To contact us To join FSJC To make a donation To view or make prayer requests Materials order form Past "Dear Friends" notes "Among Friends" quarterly newsletter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Week of September 15, 2008    An Amazing List Dear Friends:        One of the -- many -- challenges of caregiving is never completing a to-do list. Taking care of a loved one isn't a matter of checking off items as daily, weekly or monthly tasks are accomplished. Your job description can be constantly changing because the circumstances -- your care-receiver's needs -- can be constantly changing. Yes, you may have been performing caregiving duties for six months or a year, but what those duties entail now may be a lot different from what they were when you first began helping.        We're pointing this out because -- so caught up in conscientiously caring for your loved one -- you may not be aware of just how fluid your role is        Then, too, as busy as you are, you may think you're doing very little because there's always so much more to do. Not just with caregiving but with work, family and other obligations. Rather than feeling good about all that you accomplish in a week, you may feel bad, so tightly focused on what you would have liked to have gotten done but simply couldn't get to.        Say there were 10 things you wanted to check off that list but you only finished six, does that mean you failed? Of course not! Especially since -- odds are -- those six were the most important ones that needed doing. (You got Mom to the lab to get her blood work done. You didn't pick up the clothes at the dry cleaners.)        Some caregivers have found it helpful to keep track of just what they're doing each day over a few days or a week. Jotting down all that they accomplish helps them realize that, truly, they're accomplishing a lot.        Then, too, that "have-done list" (rather than a "to-do list") may help them notice they've fallen into a pattern of doing little or nothing for themselves. And that's not good. It's how exhaustion and burnout creep up "out of the blue." (See Exhaustion: Care for the Caregiver.)        For a few days, you may want to try keeping track of all you do. You might be more than surprised. You might be amazed. - - - We hope to see you there! Thursday-Saturday, Sept. 25-27 General Assembly of the National Council of Catholic Women in Salt Lake City. We'll be part of the "Brown Bag University" on Friday. Our topic's Catholic caregiving. (And look for our full-page ad in the program, too!) Saturday, Oct. 11 We're presenting a workshop on "The Spirituality of Family Caregiving: Moments of Panic, Moments of Grace" at Sacred Heart Parish in Lacey, Wash., from 9:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. It's followed by an optional one-hour question-and-answer period and discussion during lunch. Both the workshop and lunch are free. For more information call Mary Lou Spence at 360-556-0491. - - -        Again this week we invite you to join the Friends of St. John the Caregiver. You can find out more about becoming a member here.        No meetings, no dues. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).     God bless you!                                                           Monica and Bill To contact us To join FSJC To make a donation To view or make prayer requests Materials order form Past "Dear Friends" notes "Among Friends" quarterly newsletter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Week of September 22, 2008    Link It! Help Your Parish and Diocese Help Caregivers Dear Friends:        This week's message? Please tell your parish and your diocese you know a way to help them help family caregivers and it won't cost the parish, the diocese or the caregivers a dime.        (Or, if you're in a country that doesn't use dollars and dimes . . . . Not ten pence, not one-tenth of one ringgit, not . . . )        By the time we began the Friends of St. John the Caregiver both of us had worked in the Catholic Church long enough to know that parishes and dioceses:        --Have dedicated staff and volunteers who have little or no time to spare.        --Have little or no wiggle room in the budget.        --Truly want to meet a need once they become aware of it and would really like to help if only they had . . . more staff or volunteer time and more money.         That's why CatholicCaregivers.com (which, like YourAgingParent.com, is a program of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver) is free. Absolutely, completely, 100 percent, no-strings-attached, no-fine-print, FREE. Free for individuals, free for parishes, free for dioceses and free for any other group that would like to use the resources and services offered there.        (The same is true for all our programs! How's that possible? We're asked that a lot. The answer? "The grace of God and wonderful donors.")        So how can you help your parish and your diocese help family caregivers? It's easy.        Ask your parish and diocese to add a link to YourAgingParent.com on the parish or diocesan Web site. It's that simple. That easy. That free!        Yes, we continue to ask them, too, but your suggestion, your request, carries a lot more weight because you're a member of the parish and the diocese. ("Word of mouth" from someone known and trusted is the best advertising!)        Two examples:        Here is what's posted at St. Patrick Parish in Dumbarton, Scotland (scroll down to General). And here is what the Diocese of Altoona-Johnstown in Pennsylvania has posted on its Ministries-Family Life page (scroll down to Caregiving).        Remember: Your asking makes a huge difference. On behalf of the caregivers and care-receivers in your parish and your diocese, thank you so very much. - - -        And speaking of parishes . . . At CatholicCaregivers.com we've posted the October material for Catholic Caregivers ("The Role of Spirituality in a Caregivers Life"), Prayers of Intercession and Bulletin Briefs.        Here's one of the briefs:        "I particularly greet and thank . . . all who serve the sick and suffering throughout the world. Thank you for your ministry close to our suffering Lord. The service of charity that you offer is a Marian service. Mary entrusts her smile to you, so that you yourselves may become, in faithfulness to her son, springs of living water. Whatever you do, you do in the name of the Church, of which Mary is the purest image. May you carry her smile to everyone!"                Pope Benedict XVI,                Eucharistic Celebration for the Sick,                Lourdes, France, 2008  - - - We hope to see you there! Thursday-Saturday, Sept. 25-27 General Assembly of the National Council of Catholic Women in Salt Lake City. We'll be part of the "Brown Bag University" on Friday. Our topic's Catholic caregiving. (And look for our full-page ad in the program, too!) Saturday, Oct. 11 We're presenting a workshop on "The Spirituality of Family Caregiving: Moments of Panic, Moments of Grace" at Sacred Heart Parish in Lacey, Wash., from 9:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. It's followed by an optional one-hour question-and-answer period and discussion during lunch. Both the workshop and lunch are free. For more information call Mary Lou Spence at 360-556-0491. - - -       Please join us in welcoming the newest members of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver. "Hello" to MaryAnne W. in California and Christy N. in Arizona. Please keep them and their intentions in your prayers. They've promised to pray for caregivers and those receiving care.    And, of course, we invite you to join, too! You can find out more about becoming a member here.     No meetings, no dues. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).     God bless you!                                                           Monica and Bill To contact us To join FSJC To make a donation To view or make prayer requests Materials order form Past "Dear Friends" notes "Among Friends" quarterly newsletter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Week of September 29, 2008    In Record Time Dear Friends:        We have to confess that as a social welfare major (Monica) and English major (Bill), we usually leave the counting to someone else. (God bless our board member who's also the treasurer for the Friends of St. John the Caregiver.)        That was why we kept thinking we must have added wrong after Monica's small-group presentation on family caregiving at the General Assembly of the National Council of Catholic Women last Friday in Salt Lake City.        We came with eight large bags of "The Little Book of Caregiver Prayers." Each contained eight smaller bags with 25 prayer books in each of those. For a total of 1,600 prayer books.        We also brought 50 "prayer book kits" with us. Each kit has one prayer book and the makings for 10 more (10 covers and 10 sets of prayers). For a total of 550 books.        Between 1 and 2:30 pm we gave them all away. That was 2,150 prayer books in 90 minutes! (Plus 1,000 St. John the Caregiver holy cards and 1,000 Our Lady in Need holy cards, too!)        Needless to say, we were so pleased!        We want to publicly thank the members of the NCCW who picked up copies for themselves, their families and friends, their fellow NCCW members who couldn't attend the assembly, and their fellow parishioners.        Thank you to those who shared with us a little bit about your own caregiving experiences. Thank you to those who work with caregivers in a parish, nursing home, hospital or other setting. Thank you to those who promised to leave some prayer books in the back of their churches.        And thank you to the National Conference of Catholic Women for letting us be a part of the 2008 general assembly! - - -        And speaking of parishes, if you're looking for ways yours can mark Respect Life Sunday ("Caregiving is pro-life!") on Oct. 5 and Family Caregiver Sunday on Nov. 9 (the second Sunday in November), please consider ordering some prayer books, holy cards and book markers. Hand them out, insert them in the bulletin, leave them in the back of the church! As always, this material is free. (Shipping is free, too!) You can find an order form here or contact us here. - - -        We mentioned the "prayer book kits." Each contains the material to make 10 prayers books. (Well, to be honest, you have to supply 10 staples.) They're on the order form, too.        Assembling -- and distributing -- some prayer books is a great way you or your group can promote care for family caregivers. - - - The prayer books and holy cards make great gifts, too.        -- Just right for an annual luncheon, banquet or other gathering. Put one at every place setting. (Everyone is a caregiver or knows a caregiver, right?)        --Perfect as a "stocking stuffer" for a parish or organization Christmas get-together.        --A thoughtful (and no-cost!) addition to the "goodie bag" or "information packet" being put together for that conference, workshop, retreat or convention.        --A welcome surprise for families that can be included in the weekly envelope sent home from the parish school or handed out to the children in the parish faith formation program. - - - We hope to see you there! Saturday, Oct. 11 We're presenting a workshop on "The Spirituality of Family Caregiving: Moments of Panic, Moments of Grace" at Sacred Heart Parish in Lacey, Wash., from 9:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. It's followed by an optional one-hour question-and-answer period and discussion during lunch. Both the workshop and lunch are free. For more information call Mary Lou Spence at 360-556-0491. - - -        Again this week we invite you to join the Friends of St. John the Caregiver. You can find out more about becoming a member here.        No meetings, no dues. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).     God bless you!                                                           Monica and Bill To contact us To join FSJC To make a donation To view or make prayer requests Materials order form Past "Dear Friends" notes "Among Friends" quarterly newsletter