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'Dear Friends' November 2009

Week of November 2, 2009
  

Understanding Aging

Dear Friends:

       We've posted a new Topic, "Understanding Aging," that looks at the dilemma (one of the many dilemmas!) caregivers can face: What's "normal" -- and what's not -- as my loved one gets older? Here's an excerpt:

       "Throughout our lives, our bodies change. As long as a human body is living, it’s growing older. So how can you tell if your loved one is developing a new and potentially serious health problem, or if what you see is simply part of what could be called the natural aging process?
       "The temptation is to assume that a new problem your care-receiver develops is one every older person experiences and that nothing can be done about it. Not necessarily.
      "Take being confused, for example. Doesn’t everyone, if he or she lives long enough, develop some form of mild dementia? Yes, the chances of developing a form of dementia (Alzheimer’s disease being only one of the possible diagnoses) increase with age, but there are other reasons a senior might be confused. Maybe Dad’s metabolism has changed, and a medicine he’s taken for years is now causing side effects. Or the problem is a new medicine combined with what he’s already taking. Maybe, without your knowledge, Mom is drinking more than she used to. Maybe she has had a small stroke."

       You can read more here.

- - -

       We've also posted the new monthly material at CatholicCaregivers.com. The subject for November's flier is also "Understanding Aging." There are new Bulletin Briefs and Prayers of Intercession, too.

- - -

       The Fall 2009 quarterly newsletter, "Among Friends," is on-line now. We've listed FSJC donors from April through October. To each and every one of them: "Thank you and God bless you!"
       The newsletter includes an updated Order Form for requesting any of the material -- and more! -- that's on YourAgingParent.com and CatholicCaregivers.com. ("More" includes prayer books, holy cards and DVDs.)  You'll also find the Order Form here. As always, all material -- and shipping -- is free, free, free! How's that possible? It's because of our wonderful donors.

- - -

       Again this week we cordially invite you to join the Friends of St. John the Caregiver, too. (FSJC's programs include YourAgingParent.com and CatholicCaregivers.com.) You can find out more about becoming a member here.
       No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).
       You can:

        sign up on-line here
       
        or call us toll-free at 1-800-392-JOHN (5646)
      
        or print and mail an application form.

       God bless you!

                                                          Monica and Bill

To contact us
To join FSJC
To make a donation
To view or make prayer requests
Materials order form
Past "Dear Friends" notes
"Among Friends" quarterly newsletter
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Week of November 9, 2009
  

Living with Uncertainty

Dear Friends:

       Remember the song "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands"? Maybe you sang it, or led the singing of it, in a religious education class or at a Catholic summer camp. It offered the reassuring message that not only is God in control, but he's holding you in his cupped hands.
       Caregiving can offer a different perspective, can't it? Sometimes it seems God isn't holding us, or our care-receivers. Yes, he remains all-loving and all-powerful but . . . . our thundering fear overwhelms our timid faith. It's easy to forget that faith doesn't eliminate uncertainty. It's easy to overlook that simple, unchangeable fact completely.
       Caregiving has more than its share of "what ifs." What if my loved one needs even more help? What if the insurance won't cover what the doctor has recommended? What if I get sick? What if I just can't do this anymore because I'm just too tired? What if . . . What if . . . What if . . . .
      The two of us are reminded of a friend who had ALS -- Lou Gehrig's disease. After years and years of slowly losing more and more of his abilities, he pointed out what, to him, seemed like a positive. "You have to give up the illusion of control," he said. Yes, we have some influence -- even a great deal of influence -- over what happens to us and to our care-receiver. But . . . we aren't in control are we?
       Fortunately, the one who is -- the One who is -- is also the one who loves your care-receiver even more than you do. Who loves you so much he sent his own Son to help you make your way home to him.
       He's the one who has you and your loved one in his hands. Always. Forever.

 - - -

       Please join us in welcoming the newest member to the Friends of St. John the Caregiver. "Hello" to Deb T. from Ohio. She's promised to pray for you and your intentions. Please keep her and hers in yours.
       Again this week we cordially invite you to join the Friends of St. John the Caregiver, too. (FSJC's programs include YourAgingParent.com and CatholicCaregivers.com.) You can find out more about becoming a member here.
       No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).
       You can:

        sign up on-line here
       
        or call us toll-free at 1-800-392-JOHN (5646)
      
        or print and mail an application form.

       God bless you!

                                                          Monica and Bill

To contact us
To join FSJC
To make a donation
To view or make prayer requests
Materials order form
Past "Dear Friends" notes
"Among Friends" quarterly newsletter
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Week of November 16, 2009
  

'Give me patience, Lord. Right now!'

Dear Friends:

       One of the most common prayer requests we receive has to do with patience . . . and anger. There are a lot of reasons, a lot of very good reasons, why both a caregiver and a care-receiver can feel angry sometimes. That long list might start with the very basic fact that it's hard being a caregiver and it's hard being a care-receiver. It seems safe to speculate that at some point just about every caregiver and every care-receiver feels angry. That doesn't mean he or she acts on that emotion but it's there.
       Here are a couple of resources that might help if you've been finding yourself feeling less patient recently. The first is a Topic on this Web site. Here's an excerpt:

     At times, anger can be a dominant emotion in the aging parent-adult child relationship for many reasons. Reasons that would be easier to identify and understand if both people weren't already so drained, both physically and emotionally.
     From your mother's point of view, there have been so many changes, so many losses, her life seems out of control.
     Dad can feel angry because he thinks you owe him something in return for all his years of parenting and he may not think he's getting a fair shake.
     From your point of view, you're angry at what's happening to your mother or father whose health continues to deteriorate. You want to reverse it, or at least stop it, but you can't. You don't want to become the "parent." You may, at times, want to ignore the whole situation.

       You can read the rest here.

       The second resource is a series of three videos on our JohnTheCaregiver channel on YouTube. They have to do with looking at caregiving from a care-receiver's point of view. This can help a caregiver understand why, at times, a loved one is angry. (And can make a caregiver wonder why that person isn't upset more often! )This is the first video in that series.

 

- - -

      Speaking of prayer requests, please just us know if there's an intention you would like members of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver to keep in their prayers.

- - -

       Again this week we cordially invite you to join the Friends of St. John the Caregiver, too. (FSJC's programs include YourAgingParent.com and CatholicCaregivers.com.) You can find out more about becoming a member here.
       No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).
       You can:

        sign up on-line here
       
        or call us toll-free at 1-800-392-JOHN (5646)
      
        or print and mail an application form.

       God bless you!

                                                          Monica and Bill

To contact us
To join FSJC
To make a donation
To view or make prayer requests
Materials order form
Past "Dear Friends" notes
"Among Friends" quarterly newsletter
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  On behalf of your parish, your care-receiver's parish, the members of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver, and the Catholic Church, thank you!
  Thank you for what you are doing as a caregiver. Thank you, thank you, thank you; and God bless you!

Week of November 23, 2009
  

When It's Hard to Give Thanks

Dear Friends:

       As Americans prepare to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday this Thursday, it could be that -- as a caregiver -- you sometimes find it hard to give thanks. Like when you're tired or irritated. When you're feeling lonely or underappreciated.
       When you're missing the life you used to lead. (Your old schedule and routine. Your free time and time spent with spouse, kids, friends and others.)
       When you're grieving what -- it chills you to admit to yourself -- will never be. (The traveling you and your spouse had talked about "once we retire." The hearing stories from your parent who now, because of dementia, doesn't remember the stories and, perhaps, doesn't even remember you. The seeing your son or daughter graduate high school and college, then get a job, get married and have children of his or her own but -- because of a physical or mental condition -- that dream will never come true.)
       You know you should give thanks for what still is. You know in the dead and the dread of night, you should "count your blessings instead of sheep" but . . . .
       It can help to remember that thanksgiving -- like love -- is more than an emotion. Yes, that can be a part of it but it's much, much more.
       It can help to realize that caregiving is thanksgiving.
       Just as by your loving actions when you're tired, irritated and all the rest, you demonstrate your love for another person, so too with your caring actions.
       A national holiday that emphasizes giving thanks is a good reminder for all of us but, like St. Valentine's Day with its focus on expressing love, you don't really need it. The turkey and pumpkin pie, the Valentine's card and the box of chocolates, are truly nice but for you and all the caregivers just like you, they're unnecessary.
       Picking up that prescription, visiting that nursing home, seeing to your loved one's personal care items, and on and on and on, is saying "Thank you" to your care-receiver and to God. And it's saying "I love you" to both, too.

- - -

       As you probably know, the word Eucharist comes from the Greek for "thanks." If your care-receiver isn't being visited by a parish priest or an extraordinary minister of the Eucharist who's bringing Holy Communion, please ask your loved one if this is something he or she would like and then give the local parish a call to arrange it.

- - -

       Free Christmas Gifts! Friends of St. John the Caregiver holy cards, prayer cards and prayer books make great stocking stuffers, are ideal for including in Christmas cards, and are the perfect accompaniment for those tins of Christmas cookies you’re giving to family, friends and neighbors. Order yours today! Free means free! The items are free and the shipping is free, too.

 - - -

      Again this week we cordially invite you to join the Friends of St. John the Caregiver, too. (FSJC's programs include YourAgingParent.com and CatholicCaregivers.com.) You can find out more about becoming a member here.
       No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).
       You can:

        sign up on-line here
       
        or call us toll-free at 1-800-392-JOHN (5646)
      
        or print and mail an application form.

       God bless you!

                                                          Monica and Bill

To contact us
To join FSJC
To make a donation
To view or make prayer requests
Materials order form
Past "Dear Friends" notes
"Among Friends" quarterly newsletter
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Week of November 30, 2009
  

Caring for an In-law or Stepparent

Dear Friends:

       Heaven knows -- really, heaven knows -- how challenging it can be taking care of an aging parent or immediate family member. Heaven knows -- and a lot of caregivers discover -- how even more challenging it can be to help an in-law or stepparent.
       That is the new topic we've posted on YourAgingParent.com and we have it on CatholicCaregivers.com for December's flier.
       Here's how it begins:

     Being the caregiver of an in-law can be very different from taking care of your own parent. It brings out unique emotions and requires good communication skills. The same can be true when taking care of a stepparent, especially if he or she is someone who joined the family after you reached adulthood or if there has always been friction between you.
     Every newlywed soon learns that you don’t marry an individual; you “marry” a family—a family that may be very different from your own family of origin. But even newlyweds may not realize that a promise to stick by each other “in sickness and in health” can include a family member’s sickness, too. . . .

       For the Topic, go here; and for the flier, go here.

- - -

       We've also posted the December Bulletin Briefs and Prayers of Intercession on CatholicCaregivers.com.

- - -

        Free Christmas Gifts! Friends of St. John the Caregiver   holy cards, prayer cards and prayer books:
          --make great stocking stuffers,
          --are ideal for including in Christmas cards,
          --and are the perfect accompaniment for those tins of Christmas cookies you’re giving to family, friends and neighbors.
       Order yours today! Free means free! The items are free and the shipping is free, too.

 - - -

      Again this week we cordially invite you to join the Friends of St. John the Caregiver, too. (FSJC's programs include YourAgingParent.com and CatholicCaregivers.com.) You can find out more about becoming a member here.
       No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).
       You can:

        sign up on-line here
       
        or call us toll-free at 1-800-392-JOHN (5646)
      
        or print and mail an application form.

       God bless you!

                                                          Monica and Bill

To contact us
To join FSJC
To make a donation
To view or make prayer requests
Materials order form
Past "Dear Friends" notes
"Among Friends" quarterly newsletter
 

 

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