Dear Friends December 2013

Dear Friends

December 2013

Week of December 30, 2013
Prayer Requests

'Not Today'

Dear Friends,

In early 2012 Monica's oncologist told us Monica had a year at most to live. For the next ten months, until her death on January 6 of 2013, it wasn't unusual for one of us to say "not today."

We knew what was coming and we knew there was nothing we could do about it. We could however do something with that knowledge. We could realize, recognize and appreciate the fact that she wasn't going to die today.

We had today.

That made a huge difference for her as a care-receiver and for me as a caregiver. We dealt with immediate issues and concerns and thanked God for immediate blessings and joys.

Most of the time. Not always. Sometimes the future, the inevitable, came slipping through. And sometimes it crashed its way in.

That approach helped me a lot during my initial year of grief. Remembering "not today," I could separate what had to be done, what could wait until another time, and what -- maybe -- didn't have to be done at all.

As your new year begins, and there's so much talk of resolutions, it may help you to consider "not today" and even -- possibly -- "not this year."

With caregiving crowding so much of your heart, mind and soul . . . your finances, schedule and even your ability to sleep . . . this might not be the time to add anything new. To tackle anything new.

Yes, it would be nice to . . . But not today. Not this month. Not this year.

Important plans and planning can't be ignored. And shouldn't be. But perhaps any that aren't important can be ignored. And, perhaps for now, it would be better for you if those were ignored.

But, of course, concerns and worries come crashing into your life, too. Monica found this advice helpful. I still do. She's the narrator on this video.

- - -

This week we're so pleased to welcome Joseph S. of New York as the newest member of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver. Please keep him and his intentions in your prayers. He has promised to pray for you and yours.

And again this week we cordially invite you to join the Friends of St. John the Caregiver! (FSJC's programs include YourAgingParent.com and CatholicCaregivers.com.) You can find out more about becoming a member here.

No meetings, no dues. All we ask is that you pray for caregivers and those receiving care. Our members include caregivers, care-receivers, and those who support both (including quite a few former caregivers).

You can:

God bless you!

Bill

Past 'Dear Friends" Letters

Week of December 23, 2013
Prayer Requests

'Do Not Be Afraid,
Beloved Daughter, Beloved Son'

Dear Friends,

A blessed and merry Christmas to you, your care-receiver and all your loved ones! This is from the Gospel for midnight Mass:

While they were there,
the time came for her to have her child,
and she gave birth to her firstborn son.
She wrapped him in swaddling clothes
and laid him in a manger,
because there was no room for them in the inn.

Now there were shepherds in that region living
in the fields
and keeping the night watch over their flock.
The angel of the Lord appeared to them
and the glory of the Lord shone around them,
and they were struck with great fear.
The angel said to them,
"Do not be afraid . . . "

We know it's hard -- sometimes impossible! -- not to be afraid as a caregiver. And so our prayer for you this Christmas, and throughout 2014, is that your days, and your nights, will be less fearful.

May you, in your heart, hear what the angel said to Zechariah, the father of John the Baptist (Luke 1:13); to Mary at the Annunciation (Luke 1:30); to Joseph in a dream (Matthew 1:20); and to the shepherds on that first Christmas: "Do not be afraid."

The Messiah -- "God is with us" -- has come.

God is with you.

You are his beloved daughter, his beloved son, and he is very pleased with you.

- - -

Happy Feast of St. John the Caregiver

Friday, December 27, is the feast of St. John the Apostle, the Evangelist, and . . . the Caregiver. It's only in recent years that he's been given that third title.

When we began the Friends of St. John the Caregiver in 2005 we couldn't find any saint listed as the "official" patron for those who take care of a spouse, aging parent, a child or sibling with special needs, or a friend or family member, but we couldn't think of a better choice than the caregiver Christ chose from the cross for his own mother.

"When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple there whom he loved, he said to his mother, 'Woman, behold your son. Then he said to the disciple, 'Behold, your mother.' And from that hour the disciple took her into his home."
--John 19:26-27

Prayer to St. John, Patron of Caregivers

Beloved St. John, from the cross Jesus entrusted to you
the care of His Blessed Mother.
Help me and all those taking care of a loved one
who is sick, elderly, disabled or frail.
Pray for us, that as we go about our many caregiving
duties, we may never lose sight of that truth
which Christ revealed to His disciples:
"Whatever you did for one of these,
you did for Me." Amen.

- - -

Thank you so much to those who have donated to the 2013-2014 Annual Appeal!

- - -

This week we're so pleased to welcome Shirley C. of Iowa as the newest member of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver. Please keep her and her intentions in your prayers. She has promised to pray for you and yours.

You can:

God bless you!

Bill

Past 'Dear Friends" Letters

Week of December 16, 2013
Prayer Requests

'Rejoice'? Maybe. Maybe Not.

Dear Friends,

As you probably know, the Third Sunday of Advent is called "Guadete Sunday" -- Latin for "rejoice." It's a liturgical reminder that even during penitential seasons, there are reasons for joy: Christmas is coming. The Lenten equivalent is "Laetare Sunday" -- Latin for "let's eat candy today!" No, not really. It, too, means "rejoice." Both names come from the first word of that Sunday Mass' opening antiphon.

But . . .

As you probably also know, sometimes as a caregiver you don't feel like rejoicing. Even if it's almost Christmas, you feel exhausted and overloaded. You feel writing Christmas cards and decorating and shopping and prayerfully preparing for this holy day and making dinner plans and baking or cooking and family gatherings and all the rest . . . are just too much.

At times, "just" caregiving is just too much.

And now you're supposed to add "rejoice" to your to-do list?

Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe this year under your particular circumstances, you can take a pass on "the Christmas spirit" -- if that phrase means those cards, decorating, shopping, dinners and gatherings. You can drop the "shoulds" and stick with only "I want to and I can do."

But without a doubt, if you're caring for a loved one this year you've already been preparing to mark the coming of Christ as a child in Bethlehem.

You've welcomed him, and served him, day after day and night after night, as you've served your dear loved one. What you've done for your care-receiver, you've done for Jesus. Without a doubt. Our Lord himself told us that, and he spoke only the truth. (Check out Matthew 25:40!)

"No room in the inn"? No way. You've found a place for your loved one, and for Christ, in your mind, your heart, your soul, your schedule, your finances, and on and on.

Be at peace.

---

As we've done for the past several years, we want to recommend the Creighton University Online Ministries site that offers all kinds of material for making your Advent 2014 great one.

- - -

Thank you so much to those who have donated to the 2013-2014 Annual Appeal!

- - -

This week we're so pleased to welcome Pauline P. from New Hampshire, Kathy P. from Colorado, and Kimberly R. from Oklahoma as the newest members of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver. Please keep them and their intentions in your prayers. They have promised to pray for you and yours.

You can:

God bless you!

Bill

Week of December 9, 2013
Prayer Requests

Endurance and Encouragement

Dear Friends,

A phrase from yesterday's second reading (for the Second Sunday of Advent) jumped out at me. It was a description I don't remember ever hearing before: "the God of endurance and encouragement."

How caregivers need both of those!

As you well know, caregiving is a marathon, not a sprint. It can take endurance to continue . . . day after day, night after night, complication after complication, concern on top of concern on top of concern.

And it can take courage. Not an absence of fear -- is that even possible? -- but a hanging on, and a moving forward, despite so many fears.

May the God of endurance and encouragement be with you and your loved one this week, and always.

---

As we've done for the past several years, we want to recommend the Creighton University Online Ministries site that offers all kinds of material for making your Advent 2014 great one.

- - -

Thank you so much to those who have donated to the 2013-2014 Annual Appeal!

- - -

This week we're so pleased to welcome Winnifred J. from Connecticut as the newest member of the Friends of St. John the Caregiver. Please keep her and her intentions in your prayers. She has promised to pray for you and yours.

You can:

God bless you!

Bill

Week of December 2, 2013
Prayer Requests

Happy First Week of Advent!

Dear Friends,

Happy First Week of Advent! As we've done for the past several years, we want to recommend the Creighton University Online Ministries site that offers all kinds of material for making your Advent 2014 great one.

- - -

It's been almost two months since we've been able to post a new "Dear Friends" letter because our three websites have been in the process of being updated. They still are, but we're getting closer!

- - -

Thank you so much to those who have donated to the 2013-2014 Annual Appeal!

- - -

Again this week we cordially invite you to join the Friends of St. John the Caregiver! (FSJC's programs include YourAgingParent.com and CatholicCaregivers.com.) You can find out more about becoming a member here.

You can:

God bless you!

Bill

Past "Dear Friends" letters

Dear Friends

December 2013

'Not Today'

'Do Not Be Afraid, Beloved Daughter, Beloved Son'

'Rejoice'? Maybe. Maybe Not.

Endurance and Encouragement

Happy First Week of Advent!

'Do Not Be Afraid,
Beloved Daughter, Beloved Son'